11/ Hi Garlic Bad boy here, The UFO smokescreen has certainly had the desired effect you can hardly move in the village for TV news vans with big satellite dishes on the roof. Sky and the BBC are the ones easiest to recognize but there are crews covering the whole media spectrum.
Journalists are doing live news link ups from Lanrig park which has become known as the area of visitation, Druids have set up camp adjacent to the doctors surgery and their chanting can be clearly heard among the clamour of electric generators and lorry engines .New age travellers have parked a row of Volkswagen campervans painted in a range of psycadelic colours and patterns along main street and among others whom I have met are specialist alien translation experts who are offering their services to anyone that is interested. The Armageddon insurance company have devised a range of policies designed to guarantee the maximum return for your investment should the world end, and various fringe groups are offering advice on everything from how to adopt an alien to protecting your home from thermonuclear attack with a revolutionary new product which looks suspiciously like bubble wrap with silver paper glued on the back.
Anyway as ever the entrepreneur I have cleverly set up my headquarters in a snack bar I hired from a friend who has had his trading licence revoked pending an enquiry into a food poisoning outbreak allegedly caused by poor hygiene and 46 other breaches of food standard regulations.
In his defence he describes the incident as nitpicking which I think is charge number 35 but he is confident that the steps he has taken to improve conditions within the food preparation area will impress officials although I am not convinced the fitting of a “now wash your hands “sticker will carry the day for him.
I am rolling in the cash with my selection of themed snacks and tasty hot food offerings which include Zyborg Burgers, terrestrial toasties and a non alcoholic version of” Stampin” which Bob and Charlie are producing down in the shed at the bottom of my garden, we have branded it” xeon juice” and it is going down a bomb with all the new visitors we have.
The press pack are here in their droves all desperate to get an “exclusive” on the events as they unfold, it is amazing what lies people will tell just to get a mention on the same page as the latest footballer who has been unfaithful to his wife or some unknown who has been ejected from the X factor . I overheard a man claim to have been buzzed by the spacecraft whilst travelling in his car over the back road to Moodiesburn he said that he tried to scare it off by beeping his horn at it but was amazed when it replied with a sequence of five notes played at tremendous volume.
As I conclude this update I am watching a convoy of black Range Rover type vehicles with all their windows tinted black stop just at the entrance to the high school. Several men dressed in black suits and ties wearing dark glasses have exited and are speaking into something that seems to be attached to their wrist.
I wonder who they could be. I think to myself as I lick my fingers clean of some Plutonium Pate that has spilled from my sandwich, perhaps it is the food standards agency and they have recognized the snack bar from their database of banned mobile eating places or maybe it is something more sinister! will be in touch BBB.
